The life and times of Fish Cock.

b-ryan

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 06:45:18 GMT

yo B that's from scarface, hymes ripped that shit off of al pichino

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 03:25:45 GMT

what was i doing last year, i don't remember. i haven't written in this thing for like 7 months and i feel exactly the same as i did then. bitchy just like my mood. and since when did life get so horrible? everyone around me hates life. life is exactly what you think it is. me i spend to much time feeling exactly how everyone around me feels. i'm a leader and a follower at the same time. i'm so tired of this school and work shit, and after this school and work shit it's straight to a nine to fiver. and i can't stand that. the same is horrible. i just want to drive fast and pretty cars, not to show off but to make myself feel better. i mean we put these people that could give a shit less about other people in postions to set international trends. i mean i understand why, but since when is it the cool thing to do to throw platnium on your teeth, fuck it yall don't care, you do exactly what they tell you to, BAHHHHH, fucking sheeps

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 03:14:33 GMT

I'm sorry everyone, for not being an example, sorry for not trying my best, I'm sorry for making the wrong decisions sometimes, but i know it's not you who hurt it's me. Yeah I'm apoligizing to myself and to my girl for getting grouchy and pissed off sometimes, it's just stressful you know? But we're graduating and shit is crazy, it's life right now, and "shit is not a GAME!" I'm scared, but i know I'll make it, if i need something i'll call, if i need a smile, I'll call my girl, if i need a good cry, I'll call my girl, (I love you baby, you took so much shit from me and you're still here, i couldn't ask for more), if i need some bomb (P.S. i miss my man A-K I'll see you at graduation Pimp), I'll call my dope dealer, if I need guns(word up lets remain nameless here hah) i'll call the guy that scratches the serial numbers off them. Yo if i learned one thing from everything it's that you can't get everything you want, so accept what you have. Four days before high school four days before the gym teacher took my phone, i didn't even have it out he told me to empty my pockets. It's so shitty and fucked up, cause the teachers and principals wear theirs on their hips like cops with guns. The law isn't for me, not like I'm against the law but FUCK the system! If i need to get some money, I'm a throw on a black mask and get that shit you know, high school is over this kid shit is over, I'm going to get mine, and if you can't feel that fuck you. The world is mine so i got to take what i can, everyone else does. It's my time to shine, so take a good look at me when you see me cause I'm doing me, remember that... "I'm doing me, Fuck yall poser ass fucks"

P.S. This shit is bananas, B-A-N-A ANNAS, Fuck you if you aren't a holler back girl

Sun, 15 May 2005 04:02:53 GMT

prom is coming up mines the 27th but my babys' is friday, i'm mad nervous, i don't know anything about this all girls school prom and stuff, her friends will be all like "ugh, you're so gay get away from me", oh well she'll be there for me and that's all that matters:-D.

on a hotter topic i don't know what's going to happen, exams, graduation, college, money. i've had writers block, i can't write anything. nothing helps, it's all garbage. this world is cold and unforgiving, but what are you gonna do besides just keep getting on. i have this thought of dying young and i don't want to... but i'm not afraid of death, i don't think anyone should be either. it happens, death is just as natural as sleeping. but i am afraid of how i will die, who will find me dead, why i think about it so much, why it haunts my mind, why my blood boils when i see someone new, i don't know. fuck it. i just wanna be known

"i ain't trying to get into the history books, i'm trying to write my way into them"

Sun, 08 May 2005 04:58:13 GMT

"we drink til the cups dry, eat til the plates clean, niggahs be in state green before they turn 18, round here you never let the beef slide twice"

I don't know what's worst graduating or failing and going for another year. i'm so sick of school the arrogant teachers and the fucking busy work. I can't wait til i walk accross stage and prove my dad wrong, make my girl proud, and make my mom cry. it's hard being an only child, i'm out numbered by parents and when something goes wrong it's all my fault, but i don't care fuck that shit. my stomach gets upset when i think about the dumb shit with mike too, i cried because the dude was the cooked at mcdonalds when we were kids now he's on trial with some felony charges, it's so wierd it's not me. i got legit in the past while, it wasn't easy i lost alot of my friends, my trust in people, and an easy way out of my problems. sometimes i wonder if anyone can even hear me and is life all it's cracked up to be. all i live around is alcoholics, crack heads and dope heads, i can't hate on them, some of them are my best friends but it just makes me think... what it is? like why, why do it? what does it prove? with adulthood right on my ass i think i shaped into a nice young man, a man my grandma is proud of, i have a lil niece now, (yeah i'm an only child it's my "honorary niece" she's adorable, she gives me hope that something is better, there's something out there so great. it makes me smile when she smiles, she doesn't really have a dad, he's a druggie too. i don't know, but i know amanda will let me be part of her life so it's good. i hope i can drive soon, i wanna drive mary places, i wanna take her out, i want her to relax, she works enough, pleases everyone and it's almost like no one gives a shit about her, i give her whatever i can but i know it's not enough, i try but she deserves so much more, i'm only one person you know, i wish i could show her some things, like how amazing she really is, how much i love her, what she means, how people would be if she wasn't around, and i wish i could just tell her everything is okay and be right, but i can't something's always wrong, but what can we do that's just life you know, live it up, worry day by day, and remember...life's short, don't miss a day!

Sat, 26 Mar 2005 10:34:02 GMT

i can't sleep, who sleeps anyways? it's fucking vacation and it feels like a long weekend, i think it's cause i'm a senior and like it's all over this summer and then there's life, and part of life is college, i'll be there, ECC or ITT i dont't know yet, it's a mystery.

"We ain't buddys, we ain't partners, and we damn sure ain't friends"

I'm most likely gettin something dope as fuck for cheap i can't wait :-D, young buck said it best, "seems like the good die young, the bad get rich quick, enough of this" i mean yeah i figured nice guys finish last, i'm not trying to rob a bank or anything but i gotta get paid too, i used to not care about shit, we all have times when we don't give a fuck, but we all grow up too, i got some priorities straight that used to be crooked, and that's all good for me, now you get your mind right, and only like 1 person will understand me on that, i love you baby :-D

just remember, "nobody dead knew they would die before they woke"

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 14:12:02 GMT

what do i got to say, hmmmmm i have some real problems ahhahahahah, i ain't even gonna touch that shit, and hey yo what's the deal with anonymous, huh, you hiding your face, i don't give a shit if you were being sarcastic or not, fuck you, you don't know a god dam thing, go sit in your room for four hours staring at a clock and see what happens to your head, then come talk to me

haha "the world is mine" what a great quote you know?! little kids are hungry, their moms are crack whores, dope heads and dumb as shit, the world is mine though right? when rest in peace means more than a thought someone says, the world is mind that's a bunch of shit you know what is mine? my word, my fists, my thoughts, and my balls. i can't even say money is mine, if i was the richest man in the world i'd still have to give up money to eat, even if i made my own food i'd have to pay, what is money? it don't mean shit to me, what can i do, yeah what can i do but sit here and watch, you give umm guns they'll kill each other, you give umm money they'll be broke soon enough, you take them in they'll steal your shit, you hate umm they hate you back, you love them they hate you even more

that's not what i'm trying to say though... i can't say what i'm trying to get out, but where's the hope when your faith is gone, i don't know but i love you baby you gotta get past what's up, i know it's a bumpy road, and nothing is simple or easy, but at the end of the day i say a prayer for you and i know you say one for me, and if you don't start too, i love you

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 17:03:23 GMT

i got contacts yesterday, they're pretty sweet, i'm feeling them, i know it's just like glasses and stuff, but it feels like i'm trying to change how i look, i'm not though... i like me, i mean i done made my mistakes, we all have, i think i just don't want people to know me, like know me from back when, i've changed we all change, i don't want people looking at me any different they would to anyone else cause of things i used to do or how i used to act or how i didn't act, and definately not to look down at me, i don't want people talking behind my back, i know they do, good bad or indifferent, i don't like that. keep my name out your mouth, that statement means so much more nowadays.
I'm just confused, what ever fuck it...

Sun, 13 Feb 2005 12:12:03 GMT

"hate it or love it the underdog's on top, and i'm gonna shine homey until my heart stops, go ahead envy me, i'm raps M.V.P., and I ain't going no where so you can get to know me"

ha its 6 in the morning, lol, i haven't been on the computer but here i am now. so things bother me, like little shit that i have nothing to do with. i see people hopping on that white horse shit, or trying to get on the grind but they don't know the rules of the game, people that talk and don't do anything about it, i can't stand fake promises or talkers. my pops is a talker, and look at him sits at home all day and he's broke. he hangs out with addicts and dope dealers. I know they say you live with what you are raised in, but i'm not like my mom or my dad, it's like i seperated myself from them when i was little and they have no influence on how i live. i don't think anyone does and that's sad. everything i learned i experienced, i mean sure people told me stuff and i believed it, but just cause they told me something doesn't mean i learned anything. I'm only seventeen and i know way to much, i think to much, and i have a closed mind. That's horrible, i don't trust new people that i meet, i have problems, I can't look alot of people in the eyes, i just don't trust them, and why should I, what have they done for me. I mean just thursday i burned Ak and Cierra cd's, and i gave it to Ak and he knew i did it so he could have the cd, but when i gave it to Cierra she said "how much for it". like no one in her life gives her anything. I'm disguisted with how everyone is coming out, including myself. no one learns anything. you got kids that don't know the government know everything you do, and they sell 5's and 10's over the phone, ugh, you got kids that don't know what a problem is addicted to cocaine, and on a realer note, you got kids that can't pass high school but they could smoke 5 blunts in a row and not get high, like fab said "And the young niggaz read like they slow, But you give them a blunt..bet they roll the weed like a pro" and i don't know what's worst. through it all i just sit back and watch, and when i'm alone laugh at the dumb shit people tell me. you know a lil bit ago fat nick called my phone, crying none the less, telling me how he wants to get straight and be cool with me again, and how he'd do anything, the problem is that once you lose my trust that shit is gone, i can't even be around you, i won't tell you anything, you just have to stay out of my life basically, how can i be cool with him again, he just lies, i mean the kids life is not FUCKED UP at all, he's got a mom and a pops, he gets whatever he wants, and if he doesn't he takes it, he gets better grades than i could imagine getting, and this stupid fuck sits there addicted to chrolosedents or how ever the fuck you spell it, or drinks robatusum pm or makes Pure dex, you can't trust the kid with a roll of pennies, and he wants my respect? so he wants to get straight cause his life is fucked, he fucked his life, not anyone else, i don't wanna help him anymore, he never helped me, and everyone is like oooo he's so cool, the kid ain't ever been in a scrap, he's scared of confrontation, guns, and knifes, how the fuck is he gonna sell weed, shit man if i'm under my luck i'll rob him, how can i respect someone that has no remorse for the people he's hurt, doesn't have a concience, and won't be around for me when shit goes wrong, fuck that, i don't know how j rog does it, and anyone who reads this and says well aaron you used to get paper off the herb, how can you be all mad, you acted the same way, how can you hate something you used to be, i mean like jay says "you know in more than one way cocaine numbs the brain, all i did was think about how the funds once came, then i ran across this memory and in stung the brain, how can you ever destroy the beauty from which one came" but the truth is it's not always beautiful, it's just beauty, I'm beautiful now, before was just beauty (I'd rather live for 15 seconds like i am now and die, than live a lifetime like before, i just hope i don't get caught up in some money and fuck up)

truth hurts...

p.s. i love my baby girl she's always there even when no one else is, i love you sweet heart

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 03:48:13 GMT

It's all about that green paper, GET DOUGH!

Sat, 25 Dec 2004 04:05:29 GMT

haha this cam'ron shit has got my mind in the past, what could i do memories make the man, good bad and indifferent, i remember the nights i couldn't sleep and that just makes me happy i can sleep easy, i remember the times i was spoiled and that makes me mad cause i have to work for what i want, but it also taught me if i put my mind on it i can get it done, hahah "cause what they said couldn't be done, i did, i'm like ray charles dog" ha well anyways its christmas, i hope mary lieks her gifts, all of them, and i wanna tell her even before i get mine i will like them cause she spent the time to leave the house, go to the store get something for me, wait in line and buy it with money i know she doesn't need to be spending on me, so pumpkin, Thank you, as much as i get on your nerves sometimes, as much as you get pissed at me sometimes, it's okay, i love you, i hope things get better for you inside, i'm right here, sorry if i make things worst sometimes, but remember i love you, and love is what christmas is about, to everyone christmas is about love, some love shit, i bought people i don't even see alot gifts, they're family i can't forget about them, i can't forget about my friends, all my true friends, you know who you are, straight up with me, even if it hurts my feelings you tell me things how they are, that's the respect shit, so much respect, i love yall

Merry Christmas

Thu, 16 Dec 2004 21:37:03 GMT

Well its christmas time and one year ago on christmas eve, me and tone pimpin got caught, my pops got us, didnt see one cloud of smoke but smelt the treefer, i mean he was super pissed, until he figured out it wasn't his stash, then it was okay to an extent. I haven't really thought about it much, but like my dad was all like "oh im down" and like is that a good thing, my pops a grown man, he should be taking care of his family you know, but hes trapped in this game, like he didnt take my piece, didn't question me about it, until a few 30s later, he heard bout the lovejoy hustle ordeal, i mean a few Q's here a few O's there but i hadda make my money, it happens you know, he was broker than me, i hadda get paid, then it was a big deal, his best friend sells O's to kids younger than me, but i was wrong, just trying to get paid, told me the feds had my back, but in reality the feds have everyones back, thats sad isn't it? everywhere you go someone is watching you, there's people watching tape footage of us, listening to our phone calls, knowing when we take a shit, knowing when we get dirty, it's fucked, i mean and there's snitch ass bitches, snitch ass bitches, FUCK SNITCH ASS BITCHES FUCK YOU, wear a wire for a reduced sentence, you pussy DONT GET CAUGHT, dumb ass, and its my fault, no it's not, but anyways , so yeah a fast life 15 didn't have a permit but was in a car more than taxi drivers, 5's here 10's there, never having an empty pocket, swag, chronic, and pills. And some people think i miss all that, yeah i miss it so much, no time to think, no time to be by myself, and if i was alone i was counting money or bagging up, what a great time, i didn't trust anyone, YEAH I MISS THAT, WHO WOULDN'T, i mean i won't lie, if it came down to me being broke or me going back, i'd go back, i stick close to my connects for that same reason, i mean it's good to know people, let me tell you something, the more you do for someone with power, the more power you'll have *Muah* word of mouf, fuck it, look i don't miss the game, i don't miss the constant high, i don't miss the stoners, i don't miss the laughs, i'm still laughing, everything is good, and i'll be back when the time is right everyone knows that, if you heard of my name you haven't forgot my name, that's impossible, i'm well known that's just how it goes... anyways i just got one thing left, to everybody popping corosedents and robotussum and shit, a cid is hitting 20 bucks for three drops pop that, fuck you

p.s. merry christmas

Wed, 08 Dec 2004 05:02:24 GMT

well i've come to think, everything is based on beef, like there's people i don't like just because people i like don't like them, it's lemme say it, i never really listened to nas, i heard the shit he said about jay, but you know i was and am still so much into jay z that i never gave nas a real chance, he has a voice too, you know, it's like, okay people you ride with don't like someone, but these people still exist you know, someone still feels them, someones down to ride for them, the streets is all beef, "oh that niggah is soft" or "oh that niggah can't rhyme, he ain't never been on the grind" or ill make it white for you "that bitch is such a slut" but honestly is it all he said she said bullshit, if we gave the people we don't like half of our mind would we like them? but thats outdated and over rated, i mean in the back of your mind is always that feeling and voice, "man my boy doesn't like this person, and it can't be for nothing"

Fuck it too much thinking
im out much love to my sweet heart Muah

Sat, 04 Dec 2004 19:42:50 GMT

I've found out, not caring helps :-D

Oh and Happy Birthday to Mrs. Orr., That's it

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 03:17:07 GMT

count to ten for me... when did you learn to count to ten? do you even remember? i dont either... i dont remember the first time i tied my shoe, i dont remember the first time i wiped my own ass, just as you don't. How ever i DO remember the first time someone lied to me, i DO remember the first time someone broke a promise, i DO remember the first time i pulled my ass out and put a fudgesicle on it for about 5 dollars, i DO remember being real all my life, i remember breaking my back to help others, i remember being the lonely kid, that i forced myself to be, i mean if you don't trust anyone, no one can break your trust, except you, which is redundant, if you fuck up by yourself, yo, you fucked up, you accept it and move forward, but the truth is you get ahead in life by who you know, not what you know, thats the truth, get a name for yourself, turn heads when you fly by, have people talking behind your back, cause let me tell you something, if you cant keep my name out of a conversation, then you cant get me out of your head, it could be a good thing it could tear you apart on the inside, everyone has feelings of remorse, everyone feels bad sometimes, but most of the time, i've learned you gotta just say fuck it, look at me you might see me gritting my teeth, you might see me with my middle finger in the sky, you might see me happy smiling, proud of what i've become, but that's because i am proud of what i've become, i'm a smart young individual, and if the smarts i have leads me to using it agaisnt the law, then that's just how it is, but never will you see me feeling sorry for myself, i might be regretful but not feeling sorry, live with your regrets (words of jay z so thanks S.C.) if you follow me and read this thanks, thanks for feeling your boy, thanks for caring, or thanks for hating me so much you had to read this, love or hate me, but Muah, yeah Muah, thats a kiss a kiss of love, or a kiss of death, its in the eye of the beholder, so check the mirror, did i give you a hickey, or just just lyrically slap you in the face, cause there's only one girl i'll give a hicky too, and i doubt you're her, and her is -- MaRy (lol "mary had a little lamb, little lamb", muah sweetheart), you put up with all my dumb ass bullshit, and i put up with yours, even though it's not putting up with bullshit if we're there for each other, which we are, im here 100%, call me at 5 in the morning if you cant sleep, so again Muah, and that's not a kiss of death, hearts, hugs, kisses, and much love, soooo much love (MUAH), mike hansen ride or die mcdonalds shit, ride you die dulski shit, ride or die fuck lil mikey shit hah, jay pizzomps all them times we skizzated, you're only as good as your competition, you made me stive to be like oh kick flip and shit lol if that sounds gay my bad, but its the truth (real talk), lil rico the future of skatboarding, keep it pimpin, jake man, the ride or die man, blazing or not, sorry about that whole incident, i could see how you thought it was my fault now, my bad, tone dizzle haha where to start man, holiding for me, meeting me at the park with a fat ass knife cuz we pranked you and said i got jumped thats truely ride or die shit (bothers from another), riz thanks for reading all my flows and not being like this is shit and biting my words, thats WHATS HOOD hahahahahahah, you all been there for me, there's many more but thats off the top, thanks pimps, thats whats up, i'm done

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 03:19:11 GMT

hah... i remember... i remember it all so clearly, its all still here, the good times the bad times, and those in between. every experience i had was a learning experience, from the times i pulled my pants down, and hung my ass out, letting the world know "fuck you," its easier now i dont have to pull down my pants anymore, ill just throw you the finger, if you're even worth my finger then Fuck you anyways. To the times on christmas when i got everything i wanted. but the truth is when i look back, i look back on the times i said fuck the world more than the times i got what i wanted, not because im thinking negatively but because when you get what you wanted you feel good, but there is an emptiness, an emptiness because you accomplished something, or it was handed to you, which was it? you earned it or it was handed to you, and frankly these days people are handed to much, at least people i know, you know the people that don't work or anything, and still have all this stuff. there was times i was spoiled but, there was more times when i was deprived, even through the deprived times i got what i wanted... i earned it, you got me?

Alright its like some people love and some people hate
some are pussies and some are great
remember your past and build from it
because to often no one gives a shit
keep your head to the sky
and your mind offa the high
you wanna earn your dough
or snort some blow
you still with me?
kids are all raised differently
so follow the facts
think and just relax
your body could get hurt
you could lose your shirt
but you still got you
have i lost you?
im not for anything
cuz i could be proved wrong
you lift weights - you get strong
you sleep with dogs - you get fleas
so just be you please
oh yeah remember, make you bed, cuz you gotta sleep there

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 15:03:53 GMT

"i remember selling 3 bricks of raw powder, turned my man into a star in 24 hours, he didn't care spent the money in like 4 hours, on a benz with like 400 hundred and horse power, and a chain that had christ on it, a rolly with alotta ice on it, a pinky ring with a price on it, when he come around its likely that he blunted, with a pretty lady and the nikes that she wanted, its well known he kept it on his hip like a cell phone, if you speak with him you could pick up on his jail tone, he used to say he wasn't going back without blowing back, and knowing black i wouldn't put it past him, the D's would harass him til he finally blacked out, they told my niggah to freeze, but he still backed out, the shots fired til his trigger finger got tired, all the newspaper said was another niggah dead, and its fucked up"

Tue, 09 Nov 2004 02:47:27 GMT

my baby girl is so far away, all the way in floridia, lol she's prolly having fun, i miss her sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much, lol she's gonna say im such a faggy girl for this but oh well, its the truth, well me missing her, okay and the faggy girl part, hey it happens, i love you hot cheeks, muah

Mon, 08 Nov 2004 23:33:48 GMT

Is what i have to give no good? i tried to buy my gramma this gift for her lawn, and she insisted giving me the money after i gave it back to her, put it in her purse, and told her i had enough money, and still she fought, was she to proud, to proud to accept a gift from her grandson, the same grandson who she bought mc donalds everyday when i was a lil kid, the same grandson that last year wouldn't have legit money, but had cash flow, so my moneys not good enough, nothing is good enough, whats the fucking deal, FUCK THIS...

P.S. this is the first time my actual mood matches that fucking little dinosaur FUCK

Thu, 04 Nov 2004 01:31:00 GMT

Wheres the Love?

haha it's been here the whole time baby, that's just what i'm feeling man, i spent all this time worrying about shit i can't change anyways, that's pointless, it'll always be in the back of my mind, but that's where it can stay, hah and if you doubt my credibility, you'll just have to keep getting proved wrong, that's right by ME :-D

I remember back when, back when people were jealous of me, it didn't phase me, but nowadays im the jealous one, i think i should be the best, if you're better than me i fucked up, again thats just what i'm feeling, i got a good feeling about shit though, i mean if you plan everything out -- newsflash -- shit changes plans fall apart, if i live for today and get by with a few hamiltons extra, im straight, i guess it boils down to live while you can live, breathe while you could still breathe, and love while your heart's warm

live it up pimps

Thats the THANG

Sun, 31 Oct 2004 19:55:27 GMT

It's over, shyne was right, "i'm a snort away from an overdose, one drug deal from death, and to far from hope" he speaks from jail 10 years he'll be there. jail is jail though and i know guys that would rather do 10 years in a guy prison then 20 in a girls. just cuz time is time, 20 is more than 10 thats the truth.

Time goes by, if you're there or not. people will live their lives without you, don't let time pass you by. no one waits for you except you. don't be scared to put yourself out there, but be afraid of letting people take advantage of you. like my mom said

"in your life there will be so many people, many of with are acquaintances, and few of which are friends, keep your friends close, and see your acquaintances as needed"

one thing i've learned is that people are either riding or dying, and i'm just sick of dying, FUCK you, i'm me, you dont like it holla at a dick

Fri, 29 Oct 2004 02:43:00 GMT

"I'm taking out this time, to give you a piece of my mind, who do you think you are, baby one day you'll be a star, but until then, lately, I'm the one who's crazy, cuz that's the way you're making my feel, I'm just trying to get mine, i dont have the time, to knock the hustle, for real"

its like they say, we don't live forever, its like i say, we can't live forever, whats the difference you say? to you maybe there is no difference, to me its all the difference. fuck it i flow better with words...

secrets are sacred, secrets have meaning,
living in the dark you still have secrets,
you know back when at this time you were fiending,
you know nowadays you dont want people to know your secrets,
a part of your past you just cant make over the hump,
a time in history when all you did was shake and bump,
i'll bring it back cuz fuck what i was,
it's not me now, fucked up perception thats what weed does,
its okay my life rolled out like a red carpet,
cuz i wasnt gonna end up dead on my carpet,
i still dont think my life is emotionally all together,
it probably won't be, maybe forever,
what about my dreams what about this life I'm supose to live,
no one helps me out, but I insistantly give,
what's the point, life doesn't matter,
just like no one cares when everything shatters,
but quick to jump on your case when things are going good,
get money by the bricks just like you should

oh well it happens... thats whats up

why am i affraid

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 02:04:28 GMT

Ok so I'm fighting something, i write in my journals about how shit is fucked up, but is it?

I mean im alive if you're reading this you're alive, i think i've been spending to much time trying to find an answer, but i don't even know the question. Okay lets break it down, we got this life, this life we all make choices, good ones bad ones and in between, we try to be good people and then when something is fucked, we blame ourselves and feel shitty, but its just fucked i mean eventually its gonnna be all good again, maybe we just blame ourselves to much i dont know fuck it im just thinking out loud fuck this entry

Fri, 22 Oct 2004 21:42:34 GMT

i dont know anymore, i think its cuz john kerry is on the rolling stones mag but its a mystery, maybe because george w bush has political playing cards that say vote bush, HOLY NEGRO~!

No its not that, its just its cold alone in the dark i guess, the dark is so shady, my phone got stolen yesterday and some kid that stole it ditched school early and sold it for 50 boners, whats up with that? i mean it wasn't even so much i cared about the phone, but the fact that this world is so shady, i mean i was in gym playing and someone went in my pockets and stole my phone. if i found a phone on the ground i'd ask around to see whose it was. its just i dont understand why people are shady when im not, i do alot of things others don't, and flip flop, but thats just wrong.

fam probs too, its like i just don't care anymore though parents don't know, they don't understand what's up. they don't spend the time to play with us when we were little, so why do they want to be so close, they pushed me so far away and then they say i fucked up or im a fuck up, everyone regrets things and thats how we survive, "when i was young you used to hold me, told me i was the best, anything in this world i could posess, all that made me want was all that i could get, in order to survive you gotta learn to live with your regrets" a little jay z feel them words, feel rap metaphors, most rappers well some rappers are smarter than scientists, at least mentally, they put things together with metaphors, they tell a story of how they felt and why you should feel what they say, back to the fam probs, alright well i made mistakes i ben at the wrong side of drugs, it happens i ben at the wrong side of the legal system, but i learned from my mistakes, i built myself of them, i got character from the same mistakes that most people would say ruined their lives.

Its sad to admit cuz i feel so strongly against it, but money is everything, you have to be greedy and get your money, i understand that now without money you're nothing. and that upsets me so much cuz i dont need a special possession to make me happy, but you got bills to pay, food to eat, and gas for your car, you need money and you need alot of it its almost a bother, fuck it i'm done

Much love, i love you sweet <3 Muah

Mon, 18 Oct 2004 01:56:03 GMT

Im just glad its not hard to get up in the morning anymore, glad i don't stay up all night wondering anymore, glad i have no more greed, glad money doesn't make the man, glad that everything is good

Get your Priorities straight, Love yourself and smile Fuck everything else, if it doesn't make you smile, blow it off, and find something that makes you smile